First and foremost, I need to apologize for being so negligent with my postings. I have been busy getting back in to the swing of working, maintaining a healthy balance of quality time and annoyance between separate family members, and just general time away from a computer thus prohibiting my time for witty input. I'm truly sorry and I'll try to be more diligent in the future.
With that out of the way, I have an important issue I've been dying to talk about that I need to bring up. In the spirit of Christmas, I can't help but bask in Santa's persona. His jolly smile, his rounded belly, and that unmistakable fluffy white beard. I feel that many of Santa's features are up to interpretation, but I am unmoving in the case of having a solid, full, wintry white beard. This is why I feel it's appropriate to address those of us who cannot grow such a beard, and why we will never be Santa Clause.
I have dabbled in the land of facial hair with moderate success, but as of late I have come to enjoy the smooth finish of a freshly shaven chin. I, admittedly, cannot grow a full and lustrous beard, so I feel I should just leave it to the pros. I also refuse to start taking steroids to up my testosterone levels to the point of lumberjackedness, so I'm afraid I'm stuck with the hair I got.
However there are others who walk among who do not have the tact and etiquette that I possess. Their testosterone levels are pumping just hard enough for their balls to drop and consequently for the most modest of facial sprouts to spring forth from their face. And then, for some unknown reason, their neck follicles go in to overdrive to produce the phenomenon that is... the neck beard.
I simply despise a grody facial hair display, and although I tolerate it, I feel I have shouldered my grief for it in silence long enough. When your pubis spirals out of control from your face, and more so your neck region, do the the world a favor and TRIM IT. In fact, go get laser surgery for your whole mug because I demand satisfaction! The wiry, scraggly, scruffy attempt at manhood that you so candidly display looks awful, simply can't provide any form of comfort or warmth (or ANY positive points for that matter!), and almost assuredly smells of yesterdays meal and sweat. It's simply put: disgusting.
As science goes, I simply don't understand the physics of the neck beard! How does such an anomaly plant itself so firmly under the chins of so many innocent people?!? Myself included, why should we be doomed to a life of irritating razor burn without any hopes of ever finding a profession as a lumberjack, grizzly bear impersonator, or the fat man in the red suit himself?? We are like a common breed of flower that will never truly bloom! How sad it is to live under the guise of real men, always hiding our Achilles heel through the route of extensively good hygiene, or the alternative of the beast itself, the neck beard. I send my curses to heaven for setting this hideousness upon the earth!!!
The neck beard will continue to live on, just as the traditions of Christmas will. Therefore I will continue to despise it, just as I will continue celebrating Christmas. So in the spirit of Christmas I ask all of you to consider: while you're trimming the tree, don't forget about trimming that monster looming on your neck...
MERRY NECK BEARD CHRISTMAS URRY BODY!!!!!
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